Sometimes I afraid to stop. I feel if I stop moving, then I'll stop living. I see the health deterioration with my mom and it scares the hell out of me! But then again, I do so much for so many, I do want to stop. I'm torn. Torn between taking time for me and doing things for others and not slowing down. If I slow down, I will die. My day yesterday for example.....
Take my daughter to school. Go to work. Arrange for my dad to come over and look at my daughter's car. It's acting up and she needs to drive back to school. Work. Daughter comes up to visit with me before she heads back to school. Her car won't start as she is leaving. My dad did come over and put transmission fluid in her car, which now I owe him $10 because he paid for it and my daughter did not have cash on her to pay him back. She only had her debit card. I told my dad to pick her up first and she would pay for the fluid, but NO. Anyway, now she is up at my work and her car won't start. Before she is heading back to school she was going to run practice clothes up to the high school for my younger daughter. Now I'm texting the dance team coach to tell her that Jenna's clothes are on their way, but may be a little late because Tabitha is having car problem. The stress begins to build. I have Tabitha take my car to fun the stuff down to Jenna and hopefully when she gets back at 4:30, her car will start. She gets the clothes to Jenna and returns back to my work a little after 4:30. I'm praying her car starts because I have so much stuff to do after work with my younger daughter and other errands, I DO NOT have time for Tabitha' car problems or have time to drive her all the way back to school, 3 hours away! Her car starts, hallelujah! She's off back to school. I race home to grab a few more tampons. Oh yeah, did I mention I've just started my period and couldn't find the ultra size tampons, so I'm using super plus ones and am having to change like every freaking on hour since my first 2 days of my period anymore are like I'm bleeding to death. And I wore white pants, probably not the smartest choice of clothing for the day, but I looked nice. I kept from overflowing and staining my pants all day until 11pm at home, but I'll get to that later. I literally run into the house, grab some extra tampons and right back out the door. Jake is home, but I don't see or talk to him, he's in his room. My first stop before I went home was to the credit union. Had to get there before 5 to withdraw some money out of Jenna's account to pay myself back for paying for hair color job the day before. I get there 10 minutes til 5. I get my little cylinder thing up to the teller. She sends it back for me to sign the receipt and tells me she'll have my money right out to me. I send it back. The clock strikes 5 and the bank closes. I don't have my money. I buzz the teller. She tells me they are closed, what can she do for me. I tell her, I hadn't received my money and I was afraid they forgot about me. Yep, they did. At least she did apologize. Geesh, talk about short term memory. After grabbing more tampons, I head to Shop 'n Save to pick up mine and Mike's prescriptions and drop off a couple more of my own. Mine is ready, but Mike's is not. I text Mike and tell him his should be ready the next day. Now I head to Madison to a little store I've never been to in order to pick up a few more things for Jenna for her Welcome Back Rally. She needed an orange flower, bandanna and anything else I could find. Granted, I've already purchased her 2 shirts, socks, nail polish and she got some stuff from her Dance Sis, but she needs a few more things. I'm deep down in Madison, 3rd street. Madison is not the same as when I grew up there. It's just a bit scary now. 1 step above East St. Louis. I'm driving around looking for this place all the while nervous about the type of people I'm seeing. I find the store. Some little beauty supply shop that caters to the African American population ran by an Asian woman. I find an orange flower and bandanna, thank God! I get a few little things, which Jenna doesn't even wear, but oh well. My next stop is to my mom and dad's. I told my sister earlier this week that would be by Thursday around 6 for them to look at Jenna's TJ's pizza order. She, well I, am selling TJ's for dance team. I guess my sister forgot I told her that and she calls me earlier wanting to know what time I will home so she can come over and make their order and have me help her re-write a paper for her English class. Of course, she just wants help with her paper, because none of them ever just "come over" unless they need something. I remind that I am coming over at 6, but she can come over and I'll help her with her paper. I should be home around 8:30pm. I sit at my their house for about 45 minutes and then I'm off to pick up Jenna from dance practice. In the meantime Jake calls me to ask if a girl can come over to help him "study" for his math quiz - whatever. I say "yes". At least he called. Maybe I made some head wave with him. Ok, I've got Jenna. She looks exhausted. This welcome back routine is tough and she's getting pretty banged up during practices. Lisa Dean, another dance team mom, is calling me and wanting to know if we have blue socks and a blue bandanna she may borrow for her step son. I tell her I'll look when I get home, around 8:30, and let her know. She says she'll come over and get them. At least she didn't ask for me to deliver them. Jenna and I go eat at El Torero. I'm wanting to relax, eat, have a margarita and a conversation with my daughter. I've also been texting people that have ordered TJ's, but still owe me their money. I slow down just a bit to eat and talk with my daughter. Lisa calls me and wants to know if I have found the sock and bandanna yet. I tell her I'm not home yet. I should be home at 8:30 and I'll look and call her back. We eat, we talk. Dinner and conversation are good. We leave, it's about 8. Still have one more stop to make. I need to stop at Walgreens and pick up some hair color and few other things for myself. We leave Walgreens at 8:30. I call my sister and tell her we are on our way home. While in Walgreens I get like 5 text messages. I need to make yet another stop at Jennifer's house to pick up her money for her TJ's order. We stop at her house on our way home. We get home and my sister is pulling up. Jake and his friend are leaving. I help re-write Nicole's paper and add more details. Yes, I'm practically writing this paper as I'm typing it. During all this madness, Mike is texting me and wanting to know if I want to go down to the Mexican club for drinks and chicken wings. Yeah right! Like I have time for that! I was thinking about trying to fit it in so he didn't feel dissed. While helping Nicole with her paper, the door bell rings. It's Lisa Dean! Shoot, I forgot to look for the stuff she wanted! Now Jenna and I are frantically searching. We find a blue bandanna, but cannot find the blue socks. We search her room, Jake's room and Tab's room - no socks. She leaves and go back to the paper. Jenna goes to bed. Finish the paper. Nicole stays until almost midnight talking. I know she needs to vent. Living and helping my mom and dad is not easy. While we are talking, I put away the dishes from my dishwasher, load up the dirty dishes, make Jenna's lunch for the next and pick up in general. Now is when I feel myself bleed through my tampon and I rush to the bathroom and sure enough, I have two little blood stains on my white pants! I change into my bed clothes, rinse out my panties and pants and rejoin Nicole in the kitchen. She leaves and I collapse in bed. I am wired and can feel the stress in my body. I light a relaxation candle and fall asleep. I figure Mike will blow it out when he get home and he does. Not sure what time he got home, but it was after midnight. He slept the night out on the couch - oh well, his snoring would have drove me nuts anyway especially after he has been drinking. He came to bed sometime this morning. Now it's Friday and I get to start all over again. It was an exhausting night, but I got it all done. I'm sure Mike is upset because I didn't make it down to the club, but I just couldn't. I had to wash Jenna's shorts for today and make sure they got in the dryer. Yes, she could have done it herself, but......I have a high school football to attend tonight to watch Jenna dance at halftime. My cousin Melissa is coming over to go with me. I think she's really coming over in hopes that I have her special order, which I don't. I'm the middle person for her wants and now her brother too. I'm trying to make too many people happy and losing myself in the process. To recap the people I tried to please yesterday.....Tabitha, Jenna, Jake, Nicole, Lisa Dean, Mike, Melissa, Jennifer, am I forgetting anyone? Oh yeah, myself! My plan for tomorrow will be mostly about me! Plan to take Jenna to work, color my hair, take a shower, get a pedi, shop a little for myself and maybe catch a movie. That's the plan, we'll see how it works out. I complain about all this stuff, yet if I don't do this, I don't know what else to do and I'm afraid of becoming dormant. I need this adrenalin to feel alive, but maybe a little less every now and then.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
Obesity and Self-Esteem in our children
Wow! I have to say I agree with the person who wrote this article. Go ahead and bite my head off, but I do. I've battled a weight problem most of my adult life. I am happier and healthier at a lower weight. Sometimes you need a good reality check to get your life on track whether it's your weight or anything else you are battling. Giving "everyone" a ribbon isn't always the answer.
Our future generation (well present) will be made up of over-weight, simple minded young people. Too much fast food and video games and too many parents not wanting to actually "parent" their children. Everyone wants to be their child's "friend". No one wants to say, "No" or hurt their child's feelings. I'm not saying beat and starve your child and tie them to their school desk, but come on America, get with the program. We have become an obese nation obsessed with trying to wear skinny jeans. And we complain when the "foreign" kid wins the spelling bee. We need to educate our children about sex (yes, I said sex), so children will stop having children. Young parents are too immature themselves to be raising a child. Most likely their parents had them when they were teenagers and the cycle continues. A group of middle school children were asked who comes to mind when the teacher said LBJ and instead of Lyndon B. Johnson, 80% of class said Labron James. Yes, the teacher had been discussing presidents at the time. It's time to toughen up, be a parent and teach our kids about good nutrition and the value of a good education, but we have to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. Kids learn best by example. You don't have to be perfect, no one is, but you do have a responsibility to do the best you can do. Educating our children about eating right or about sex isn't going to make them develop an eating disorder or run out and have promiscuous sex or get pregnant. It actually could have the opposite effect. The child could grow up actually to eat vegetables, exercise and practice safe sex (or no sex) until they are ready mentally, physically and financially ready to have children. Just my opinion and I know opinions are like a$$holes, everyone has one.
Here is the link to the article, if you are interested:
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Day 3
Ok, it's been more than 3 days since my last post and a lot has happened. My mom is home from the hospital. She pulled through, thank God! It was the scariest so far with her. She's recovering at home and my sister and dad are there helping her.
My dad had a pacemaker put in this week. He told us he had been having blackouts, so we insisted he see the doctor. His heart was beating too low and causing less oxygen to the brain and thus the blackouts. He was in the hospital over night and is home now and doing ok.
My younger daughter had her cell phone, iTouch and Northface jacket stolen from school while she was at dance practice. Not a good night at all for her or me. I had just found out the night before that she had been drinking and sneaking out with boys. I had heard that she had went to party at a boys house that is known for having parties with under age kids and booze. The sneaking out with boys was a total shock! I knew something was up when she all of a sudden started hanging with Haley D. I never liked that kid from when she was 4 years old. She's the daughter of one of my brother's girlfriends. She has no parental supervision and pretty much runs wild. She'll end up like her mom, homeless, car-less, dead end job and mooching off her mom. I was told by a fellow dance team mom, so I'm sure my information is correct. Jenna snuck off from a dance team party sleep over to hang out with a boy, Brian N. I wasn't going to bring all this up to Jenna until after her dance competition, but then pictures of her at this party popped up on Facebook. I forwarded the pictures to her as a message on Facebook and she got the messages on her iTouch while she was at practice. She knew she was in trouble. I get to practice and her jacket, iTouch and cell phone had been stolen. She was going to have those taken away from her for a while, but I was not anticipating on re-purchasing them! I've ordered her a new phone and it's taken forever to get here. UPS shipped it to St. Louis 2 days after I ordered it and the numb nuts at the UPS place shipped the phone to Dallas, TX. Dallas shipped it to Little Rock, AR and they shipped it back to St. Louis. It should be delivered by Monday - geesh, morons work everywhere! Went shopping for her jacket and couldn't find one. Looked on-line, found it, but couldn't use the on-line coupon. I hate dealing with this crap! Jenna took her punishment, but now she just stays in her room and I don't like that either. She has come out and watched TV with me, but she has not asked to go anyway with anyone. I'm not grounding her from ever going with friends, just not Haley and her little group. Hopefully she'll come around and this won't be a big problem. I never had to deal with this sort of thing before with either of my girls. I think Jenna wants a boyfriend, but she's going about it the wrong way. Why are boys such jerks?!
My sister claims that a low life friend stole $240 from her. Of course me and everyone else thinks she had him buy her drugs, crack, and she smoked it up. I don't know what to believe anymore when it comes to her and my brother. They both mooch off my parents and both get mad at the other for doing so. It's freaking crazy! My sister has a hearing next week for disability. She's claiming to be too sick/crazy to work. Nice! My brother I'm sure is up to his old tricks. He has to be. He's not working and somehow has money. The less I know the better. I just wish they would live their lives away from my parents.
My niece, my sister's daughter, gave birth to her third child. She is 21 and already has 3 (almost 4) year old twin boys and now baby #3. I'm hoping this baby daddy will stick around and actually help her financially and physically. She too needs to move out from my mom and dad's.
It's been a crazy couple of months. I'm sticking to my new eating plan ok during the week, but not so good on the weekends or days I don't go to work. I haven't started exercising yet. I haven't used any of my credit cards. I actually had money left from my paycheck and didn't go in the negative with my checking account. I may be broke now after paying for Mike's wedding ring repairs, dinner and Jenna a new jacket, but I had the money to buy those things. I need to buy groceries, so I may be dipping into my next paycheck, but I get paid on Monday and today is Saturday. Not perfect, but much better than I have been this past year or so with my finances. I'm going Monday to see about getting our income taxes done. Hoping to get back close to what we did last year. I want to pay a chunk on my credit cards.
Well that's about all I have for tonight. The losing weight thing is so hard and almost seems hopeless, but I have to keep trying. I saw pictures of myself holding my niece's new baby and I look freaking scary. I look fat, old and my hair is gross. I died it really dark - midnight blue and it looks blue at the part. The parts that were totally grey/white look blue. I like it when I look at it in the mirror and I even get compliments from people, but when I see it in pictures, it looks nasty! Maybe people aren't really complimenting me as much as just making a comment on the drastic change. You have to practically starve yourself to lose weight, I hate it!!!
Good night.
My dad had a pacemaker put in this week. He told us he had been having blackouts, so we insisted he see the doctor. His heart was beating too low and causing less oxygen to the brain and thus the blackouts. He was in the hospital over night and is home now and doing ok.
My younger daughter had her cell phone, iTouch and Northface jacket stolen from school while she was at dance practice. Not a good night at all for her or me. I had just found out the night before that she had been drinking and sneaking out with boys. I had heard that she had went to party at a boys house that is known for having parties with under age kids and booze. The sneaking out with boys was a total shock! I knew something was up when she all of a sudden started hanging with Haley D. I never liked that kid from when she was 4 years old. She's the daughter of one of my brother's girlfriends. She has no parental supervision and pretty much runs wild. She'll end up like her mom, homeless, car-less, dead end job and mooching off her mom. I was told by a fellow dance team mom, so I'm sure my information is correct. Jenna snuck off from a dance team party sleep over to hang out with a boy, Brian N. I wasn't going to bring all this up to Jenna until after her dance competition, but then pictures of her at this party popped up on Facebook. I forwarded the pictures to her as a message on Facebook and she got the messages on her iTouch while she was at practice. She knew she was in trouble. I get to practice and her jacket, iTouch and cell phone had been stolen. She was going to have those taken away from her for a while, but I was not anticipating on re-purchasing them! I've ordered her a new phone and it's taken forever to get here. UPS shipped it to St. Louis 2 days after I ordered it and the numb nuts at the UPS place shipped the phone to Dallas, TX. Dallas shipped it to Little Rock, AR and they shipped it back to St. Louis. It should be delivered by Monday - geesh, morons work everywhere! Went shopping for her jacket and couldn't find one. Looked on-line, found it, but couldn't use the on-line coupon. I hate dealing with this crap! Jenna took her punishment, but now she just stays in her room and I don't like that either. She has come out and watched TV with me, but she has not asked to go anyway with anyone. I'm not grounding her from ever going with friends, just not Haley and her little group. Hopefully she'll come around and this won't be a big problem. I never had to deal with this sort of thing before with either of my girls. I think Jenna wants a boyfriend, but she's going about it the wrong way. Why are boys such jerks?!
My sister claims that a low life friend stole $240 from her. Of course me and everyone else thinks she had him buy her drugs, crack, and she smoked it up. I don't know what to believe anymore when it comes to her and my brother. They both mooch off my parents and both get mad at the other for doing so. It's freaking crazy! My sister has a hearing next week for disability. She's claiming to be too sick/crazy to work. Nice! My brother I'm sure is up to his old tricks. He has to be. He's not working and somehow has money. The less I know the better. I just wish they would live their lives away from my parents.
My niece, my sister's daughter, gave birth to her third child. She is 21 and already has 3 (almost 4) year old twin boys and now baby #3. I'm hoping this baby daddy will stick around and actually help her financially and physically. She too needs to move out from my mom and dad's.
It's been a crazy couple of months. I'm sticking to my new eating plan ok during the week, but not so good on the weekends or days I don't go to work. I haven't started exercising yet. I haven't used any of my credit cards. I actually had money left from my paycheck and didn't go in the negative with my checking account. I may be broke now after paying for Mike's wedding ring repairs, dinner and Jenna a new jacket, but I had the money to buy those things. I need to buy groceries, so I may be dipping into my next paycheck, but I get paid on Monday and today is Saturday. Not perfect, but much better than I have been this past year or so with my finances. I'm going Monday to see about getting our income taxes done. Hoping to get back close to what we did last year. I want to pay a chunk on my credit cards.
Well that's about all I have for tonight. The losing weight thing is so hard and almost seems hopeless, but I have to keep trying. I saw pictures of myself holding my niece's new baby and I look freaking scary. I look fat, old and my hair is gross. I died it really dark - midnight blue and it looks blue at the part. The parts that were totally grey/white look blue. I like it when I look at it in the mirror and I even get compliments from people, but when I see it in pictures, it looks nasty! Maybe people aren't really complimenting me as much as just making a comment on the drastic change. You have to practically starve yourself to lose weight, I hate it!!!
Good night.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Day 2
So today is January 1, 2011. Rang in the new year sitting at home with my husband. Of course, he sat upstairs watching college football/Blues hockey, while I sat downstairs in the family room watching nothing in particular while dozing off. We did meet for a late lunch and drinks at Ragazzi's on the Hill in St. Louis. He was suppose to meet a co-worker/friend, but got stood up, so I joined him. We had went out the night before to a nice dinner and concert - TSO, so I'm not complaining - too much :) Our New Year's Eve celebrations have not been the most enjoyable since we've been married. Somehow the night always ended with him yelling at me how unhappy he is with his life and me, blah, blah, blah.....and me ending up in bed all day New Year's day. Not the most enjoyable way to start off a new year. I vowed last year not go out with him this New Year's and we didn't. He made us chocolate sundaes and we ended the night watching TV in the same room. We text our kids at midnight and then went to bed around 1:30am.
Our kids...I have 2 daughters. One is 20 and a junior in college up at Western Illinois University. She will be 21 in March. She is majoring in Fashion Merchandising. Her dream job would be London working with a fashion house producing fashion shows or being a buying for a major department store. The other daughter is 15 and a sophomore in high school. She just received her drivers permit. They are both on dance teams at their schools. They were both cheerleaders in middle school. My oldest cheered her freshman and sophomore years of high school before making the varsity dance team, which is the team she really wanted to be on. My youngest made the varsity dance team her freshman year, though I'm pretty sure she doesn't like it as much as her oldest sister. She has even told me that she is thinking about not trying out next year and maybe trying out for cheer leading. Of course that would be fine with me, expect I'm on the board, Treasurer, of the Dance Team Parent Association and very involved with the fundraising. I also owe mega bucks to the team, but that's a whole different story. I actually need her to stay on the team until I get the money paid back or figure something out. I know this is not her problem and I can't force her to stay on the team. I need to do some creative thinking here real soon! I also have a 20 year old step son. He played hockey all through high school and when he was younger. My husband has been his hockey coach since he was little until he went away to college. He played for Eastern Illinois University his freshman year and only year of college. He didn't take going to classes seriously, thus did not return to college this past fall. He has had a couple of different jobs and is now working full time at my husband's employer's warehouse. So far, so good, but he's not totally happy with the job. I look for him to quit sometime soon. The good part is that he also got my nephew a job at the warehouse and he seems to like it ok. He graduated high school, finally, last December and was working at Imo's Pizza for a while until he quit for dumb reason. At least he's working. I hope he and my step son decide to go back to school, even a community college, and have a better career.
My mom is out of the CCU and is doing much better. It was so scary there for a while. She had been placed on a ventilator and put in a medical coma for 11 days. My siblings and I, along with my dad, had to make some important decisions, whether to have her resuscitated or not should her heart stop. Of course we decided to have the doctors try to save her life, but thank God it wasn't necessary. She has pulled through and I'm very happy, but I get the feeling my dad is not so happy. I think he thought this was it and he was finally going to be free of her. I could be wrong and hopefully I am, but that is the feeling I get from him. It has been a rough couple of years with her health and their finances and I think he saw this as a way out. Of course my sister, her kids, her grand kids (another one on the way) and my brother and his son all living under my mom and dad roof doesn't help matters one bit.
I have one sister and one brother. Both are pretty much losers. I'm not saying I'm "Miss Perfect", but I'm doing everything in my power not be sponging off my parents at this point in my life as they are. I've been with men to help me financially, which I know isn't right, to keep me from having to move back with my parents after my divorce. I've been lucky with keeping my job for the past 19 years. I don't make a whole lot of money, but I have benefits. I work for a State University. I wish I could make more money and I would if I had a degree, but my experience is degree enough in my position for the job, but not for the pay.
I'm 45 years old and I don't want to be in the financial position my parents are in right now at their age or the have the health problems my mom has. This is why I've decided to make some changes in 2011 in regards to my health and financial situation. I've put away my credit cards and will try my best not to use them. I will not buy gifts for people if I don't have the money. I will have to say "no" to my girls when I don't have the money. I'll have to not go out to eat when I don't have the money. I'll have to tell my husband we don't have the money to do whatever and not dip into the house payment money and leave myself broke on my next paycheck. I'll have to start eating less and eating better. I'll have to start exercising instead of sitting around watching mindless TV. I'll sit and write more about my life and try to write short stories instead of eating or spending money. I'll focus my writing on events in my life, characters in my life and just daily ramblings. I plan to introduce you to each of family members, those will be stories within themselves. This is my New Year.
Our kids...I have 2 daughters. One is 20 and a junior in college up at Western Illinois University. She will be 21 in March. She is majoring in Fashion Merchandising. Her dream job would be London working with a fashion house producing fashion shows or being a buying for a major department store. The other daughter is 15 and a sophomore in high school. She just received her drivers permit. They are both on dance teams at their schools. They were both cheerleaders in middle school. My oldest cheered her freshman and sophomore years of high school before making the varsity dance team, which is the team she really wanted to be on. My youngest made the varsity dance team her freshman year, though I'm pretty sure she doesn't like it as much as her oldest sister. She has even told me that she is thinking about not trying out next year and maybe trying out for cheer leading. Of course that would be fine with me, expect I'm on the board, Treasurer, of the Dance Team Parent Association and very involved with the fundraising. I also owe mega bucks to the team, but that's a whole different story. I actually need her to stay on the team until I get the money paid back or figure something out. I know this is not her problem and I can't force her to stay on the team. I need to do some creative thinking here real soon! I also have a 20 year old step son. He played hockey all through high school and when he was younger. My husband has been his hockey coach since he was little until he went away to college. He played for Eastern Illinois University his freshman year and only year of college. He didn't take going to classes seriously, thus did not return to college this past fall. He has had a couple of different jobs and is now working full time at my husband's employer's warehouse. So far, so good, but he's not totally happy with the job. I look for him to quit sometime soon. The good part is that he also got my nephew a job at the warehouse and he seems to like it ok. He graduated high school, finally, last December and was working at Imo's Pizza for a while until he quit for dumb reason. At least he's working. I hope he and my step son decide to go back to school, even a community college, and have a better career.
My mom is out of the CCU and is doing much better. It was so scary there for a while. She had been placed on a ventilator and put in a medical coma for 11 days. My siblings and I, along with my dad, had to make some important decisions, whether to have her resuscitated or not should her heart stop. Of course we decided to have the doctors try to save her life, but thank God it wasn't necessary. She has pulled through and I'm very happy, but I get the feeling my dad is not so happy. I think he thought this was it and he was finally going to be free of her. I could be wrong and hopefully I am, but that is the feeling I get from him. It has been a rough couple of years with her health and their finances and I think he saw this as a way out. Of course my sister, her kids, her grand kids (another one on the way) and my brother and his son all living under my mom and dad roof doesn't help matters one bit.
I have one sister and one brother. Both are pretty much losers. I'm not saying I'm "Miss Perfect", but I'm doing everything in my power not be sponging off my parents at this point in my life as they are. I've been with men to help me financially, which I know isn't right, to keep me from having to move back with my parents after my divorce. I've been lucky with keeping my job for the past 19 years. I don't make a whole lot of money, but I have benefits. I work for a State University. I wish I could make more money and I would if I had a degree, but my experience is degree enough in my position for the job, but not for the pay.
I'm 45 years old and I don't want to be in the financial position my parents are in right now at their age or the have the health problems my mom has. This is why I've decided to make some changes in 2011 in regards to my health and financial situation. I've put away my credit cards and will try my best not to use them. I will not buy gifts for people if I don't have the money. I will have to say "no" to my girls when I don't have the money. I'll have to not go out to eat when I don't have the money. I'll have to tell my husband we don't have the money to do whatever and not dip into the house payment money and leave myself broke on my next paycheck. I'll have to start eating less and eating better. I'll have to start exercising instead of sitting around watching mindless TV. I'll sit and write more about my life and try to write short stories instead of eating or spending money. I'll focus my writing on events in my life, characters in my life and just daily ramblings. I plan to introduce you to each of family members, those will be stories within themselves. This is my New Year.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Day 1
This is it. I'm always saying I have a story to tell...........well here it goes..............Where to start. I guess I'll start with today. Today my mom woke up from a medical induced coma. She had a ventilator and feeding tube removed. I saw her eyes opened and focused for the first time in 11 days and it was great, yet sad at the same time. I also viewed fear in her eyes and that chilled me to the bone more so than seeing her lying there in the hospital bed unconscious. Seeing new life in her eyes made me realize I need to make some major changes in my life if I want to live a healthier, happier life.
I making some new year promises to myself starting with my attitude towards my body. I know this sounds like a cliche, but I want to lose weight in the new year. I've already lost about 100 pounds, but have gained back about 30 or 40. I want those pounds plus a few more this year. I know there is no miracle diet to make this happen, but rather life style changes to be made to make it happen. I had gastric by-pass surgery about 8 years ago, so I know first hand losing weight is not easy or comes in a bottle. I'm like a drug attic when it comes to food. I'm a food alcoholic, no doubt. The only way I could stop eating so much was to get my stomach stapled. Now, 8 years later, I can eat just about anything in large amounts again and thus I've gained back weight. I've even had a tummy tuck to get rid of the excess skin and am now I'm getting a chubby gut again. I've always prided myself for not being hooked on drugs or alcohol like other family members, but I guess I'm really no different than they are. I eat until I'm actually in pain and feel miserable. Afterwards, I always swear never to eat that much ever again, only to start thinking about food the very next morning. The worse part is that I think I've passed this lovely trait on to my daughters. If guilt had a monetary value, I'd be super rich. My new year will include making changes in my eating habits, physical exercise habits and attitude about food in general.
Also seeing my mom in the hospital and watching my dad deal with financial issues, I vow to get my finances under control in the new year. As like most Americans, I had a good Christmas via credit cards. I overspend every month. Of course eating out has a lot to do with my needless spending. I'm also a divorced mother with 2 daughters who still tried to give her kids everything they wanted not just needed. I need to set spending priorities and try my best to stick to them even if it means saying "no" to my girls. I've seen my parents struggles all their lives with money. They never seemed to catch a break. The worse part is that I think they have passed that trait on to me and my siblings. I'm an adult now and can't continue to blame my parents for my mistakes. I take full responsibility for them. My new year will include making changes in my spending habits and getting my credit card debt under control.
I have more things I need to work on with myself, but sometimes setting goals too high is a recipe for disaster. I guess this it for tonight. Tomorrow I will introduce myself more and give more background about myself. This is just the beginning. I hope you join me in my journey. Your input, support, and suggestions are welcomed. 2011, here I am.
I making some new year promises to myself starting with my attitude towards my body. I know this sounds like a cliche, but I want to lose weight in the new year. I've already lost about 100 pounds, but have gained back about 30 or 40. I want those pounds plus a few more this year. I know there is no miracle diet to make this happen, but rather life style changes to be made to make it happen. I had gastric by-pass surgery about 8 years ago, so I know first hand losing weight is not easy or comes in a bottle. I'm like a drug attic when it comes to food. I'm a food alcoholic, no doubt. The only way I could stop eating so much was to get my stomach stapled. Now, 8 years later, I can eat just about anything in large amounts again and thus I've gained back weight. I've even had a tummy tuck to get rid of the excess skin and am now I'm getting a chubby gut again. I've always prided myself for not being hooked on drugs or alcohol like other family members, but I guess I'm really no different than they are. I eat until I'm actually in pain and feel miserable. Afterwards, I always swear never to eat that much ever again, only to start thinking about food the very next morning. The worse part is that I think I've passed this lovely trait on to my daughters. If guilt had a monetary value, I'd be super rich. My new year will include making changes in my eating habits, physical exercise habits and attitude about food in general.
Also seeing my mom in the hospital and watching my dad deal with financial issues, I vow to get my finances under control in the new year. As like most Americans, I had a good Christmas via credit cards. I overspend every month. Of course eating out has a lot to do with my needless spending. I'm also a divorced mother with 2 daughters who still tried to give her kids everything they wanted not just needed. I need to set spending priorities and try my best to stick to them even if it means saying "no" to my girls. I've seen my parents struggles all their lives with money. They never seemed to catch a break. The worse part is that I think they have passed that trait on to me and my siblings. I'm an adult now and can't continue to blame my parents for my mistakes. I take full responsibility for them. My new year will include making changes in my spending habits and getting my credit card debt under control.
I have more things I need to work on with myself, but sometimes setting goals too high is a recipe for disaster. I guess this it for tonight. Tomorrow I will introduce myself more and give more background about myself. This is just the beginning. I hope you join me in my journey. Your input, support, and suggestions are welcomed. 2011, here I am.
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